I’m not sure where to start to be honest. I’ve always wanted to write my own blogs, but I never really followed it through. I think it’s mainly to do with me having trouble being open to people. I find it so much easier to hide behind these invisible walls, only showing what I want people to see. But where does that get you? Alone. Don’t get me wrong. I have friends, some closer than others, but I can’t say I truly have that person who really knows me. And isn’t that what everyone wants? Someone they can talk to whenever they need, about anything. Not someone that they necessarily want a relationship with, just someone who they know is really and truly there for them. That’s what I don’t have, and I’m starting to feel like I’m the reason for that. I tend to keep people at a distance, and even when you feel like I’ve let you in, in reality there’s still so much that you don’t know.
I’m also very good at bottling things up. Due to previous things that have happened in my life, I guess you could say that I’ve almost taught myself how to deal with situations on my own. I never tell anyone what I’m really going through. I instead just push it to the back of my mind and carry on like nothing happened. I’m only 19, but I can truly say, that is the worst way to deal with problems. The absolute worst! I constantly stop myself from properly dealing with things, and like every bottle, there’s a point when it gets full. I’m nearly at my breaking point, but I’m determined to change things so that if I get there it’s not so bad.
So blogging. That’s where I’m at now. A new way to help me deal with what life throws at me. It’s just the start, but I’m very hopeful!
I eat cake 