So I’ve recently been attending Bible studies at my uni. I decided during the summer that if I was really going to do this whole religion thing, I was gonna do it properly and make it personal to myself. This meant starting from the beginning, almost like being completely new to the faith.
My reason for doing this is that I’ve always been in the church, but when I got to uni I realised that I didn’t really know God like I thought I did. I didn’t really know my faith and what my religion believed in as well as I should, especially since I’ve been attending this church all my life.
I’m a Seventh-Day Adventist. For those who don’t know what that is, one of the main differences is that I attend church on a Saturday. We believe that the week starts on a Sunday instead of a Monday, making Saturday the end of the week. Saturday would therefore be the Sabbath with it being the last day/ the seventh day of the week, hence the name ‘Seventh-Day Adventists’. Now with this comes a lot of questions. People are forever asking me stuff like why do you believe this? Why do you do certain things/ don’t do certain things? All these questions are valid, but I’ve realised that I’ve never really been able to go into detail about why I believe what I believe. I just know it, or at least the basics, because that’s what I’ve been taught all my life. So, instead of carrying on like this, I decided to properly do it for myself. With this new decision and the Bible studies recently starting up, it almost felt like a blessing. I mean its only 5 minutes from my house and its run by my friends; could it get any better?
The topic that they decided to start with was ‘Salvation’, but what does that mean? Salvation is defined as “preservation or deliverance from harm, ruin or loss”. There is also a biblical definition which is, “deliverance from sin and its consequences by faith in Christ”. Now I’ve always only thought of it in the biblical context, because that’s where I usually here that word. However, they broke it down and for the next five weeks spoke on topics that were all under the umbrella of salvation. These were: preservation, healing, deliverance, rescue and saving.
Everybody knows that you go to Bible study to learn more about the teachings that are within it. You go there to gain a new or deeper understanding of the beliefs. This is what I was going to Bible study to do. I used to go when I was younger at my church, but stopped going after a while. So, with my new desire to actually learn and understand, I felt that this time I would actually take it much more seriously. Never did I think that by me going, everything that was being spoken about would personally relate to me. I still don’t understand how each topic related so perfectly to what I was dealing with, and the growth that I was trying to make.
For years I’ve felt that the fact that I haven’t been able to accept my Mother’s death, has affected me in a lot of ways. A friend actually told me that after reading my post about my Mother, the way I am and the way that I carry myself made so much sense. I’m not saying that the affect was all bad, but just that the way I dealt with that situation influenced the way that I dealt with everything else. So this year in particular, I really wanted to change that, which makes the fact that I related so much, even crazier. I know it sounds corny, but it’s almost like God was reminding me that I will get through this no matter how long it takes. I’ve always felt that I was taking to long to heal, so this reassurance was definitely what I needed. I was understanding God more and how he would help me to grow. It made me want to talk about it. I wanted to share with others in Bible study how much I had been touched, and how much of a blessing these sessions had been. I told my friends in passing, but I don’t think I really realised that they would actually take me seriously.
So, on the 23rd of November 2017, I spoke about my mum without getting all emotional and how much the topics had been relating to me. That in itself was impressive, because I’ve never been able to talk about her without crying. The way it happened is even kinda funny. I came to Bible study as usual, but just as I stepped into the room, one of my friends asked me if I could share my story in the testimony session that they were going to have. Now when I say share, I mean she was going to prod a bit and give me a little push, but if she could tell that I really wasn’t having it, they would move on. I’m not saying she was forcing me, but just that she was helping me do something that I had originally wanted to do.
Anyway, Bible study started and that week they split us into groups. We had to act out a modern day version of a Bible story that they gave us for the other groups to guess. I was all the way there with everything that I was going on, even though acting is not something that I really like doing. I was even given one of the main parts! Not something that I would have picked myself, but I got on with it anyway. You gotta push yourself out of your comfort zone right?! It was a very enjoyable Bible study, but I couldn’t help but think about what I had been asked to do in the beginning. It was just sitting at the back of my mind, and honestly I was still deciding whether or not I was really going to do it.
After practicing our little drama pieces, we all came back into the main room to present them to the rest of the class. When we got back, the amount of people that had left the room in the beginning had considerably grown! My group even went first, but I honestly expected it. I don’t even know why, but we did well anyway. Testimony session came straight after and one of the guys asked if anyone wanted to share anything. Even then I was still deciding and luckily someone went first. He spoke about a recent accident that he had whilst driving, and how God had got him out of it with no scratches or bruises to him or the car. He finished and there was a little pause waiting for the next person to speak. I almost feel like my friend told the guy who introduced it to wait for me, because he kept looking at me. I looked over at her and all I could see was her bending her head staring at me. I had to laugh.
With a stutter of my words and me bringing the hat that was on my head further down on my face, I started speaking. I didn’t go into detail about my Mum, but spoke generally about how much her death had affected me and how I had dealt with it. I spoke about how everything that had been said was helping me, how the people that I had around me pushing me to get to where I wanted to be was a blessing, and how I was in a much better place than I was before. Because I was! A couple of months before that, I would never have done that let alone thought about it. I couldn’t look at anyone though, otherwise I would have cried. I stared mainly at the floor or occasionally the board. There was one point where I did look up and try to make eye contact, but I didn’t see any faces. I spoke for a while, even though I thought I was waffling. However, I was told after that I had touched people. Me you know?! Most importantly I felt lighter, ever so slightly, but I felt it.
23rd of November 2017 at the age of 20, I spoke to a room full of people about an issue that I had barely thought about for years. If I had been told by someone that I would be doing that, even a couple of weeks before, I would have surely laughed in their face. I don’t even talk to my family about it. Yes the room was mainly full of people that I knew, but there was still more than a handful of people who I would have never dreamed of telling my problems to, let alone that one in particular. But I did. I did!
Where in December now and it’s soon gonna come to that time where people do all that reflection business. I’ve never really been one to take part, but this year has really been something for me. I really felt the highs and the lows. I was literally falling a part at the beginning of uni and told no one, and then only a month or so later was able to make more growth than I’ve done in years. I’m still learning a lot, but this year really taught me some valuable things that I am very grateful for. Every year really has something new to teach you. You just have to use what you’ve learnt, to make the progress that you want. By God’s grace, I will be 21 next year. I’ve never been one who wanted to grow up. I always tell people that I’m growing against my will. This time, I think I’m ready. I still have a lot of growing and learning to do, but I’m ready for it because with God by my side, I can do it all.
So, my lessons to you:
Don’t measure your success by the success of someone else; everyone’s growth is different.
And most importantly:
Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself.
I eat cake 