I know it’s a whole month late, but Happy New Year!
Well, what can I say? I’ve been a bit disconnected for personal reasons. Things have happened resulting in me just wanting to keep going and keep busy. Managed to get it a bit more together just in time for my birthday, because as of 1 week ago, I am now 23! I don’t even know what to say apart from I’m actually an adult adult, or so people keep telling me. Goodness. I’m getting old. Despite that though, I’m very grateful to God for blessing me with another year of life, because regardless of how I feel about getting older, it’s becoming more and more of a blessing to simply be able to turn a year older. It’s actually something I feel like we might slightly take for granted, but that’s a whole other kind of conversation.
As per the title of this blog, I’ve given myself a few new years resolutions that I really plan to follow through. I really want to make a difference in my life this year, because I’ve never felt that any of the past years have “been my year”. I’ve sorta just rolled with the punches, and taken whatever that year decided to throw at me. This year however, is gonna be different by fire or by force. If that’s even the saying.
Here are a few of my goals:
- Finish my Masters
- Get a new job
- Grow CapturedGems
- Be more confident in my talents and abilities
- Step into the role of Praise Team leader
- Be Happy
And in addition to making these and the other goals that I have happen, I’ve made it important for me to keep God in the centre of everything that I do. I’ve even been able to complete one of my goals already.
I finally lead Praise and Worship and I am so so proud of myself. You see, I’m a perfectionist. The problem that I have with this though, is that I tend to doubt myself in areas where I am very capable. Take song leading for example. I’ve been singing for as long as I can remember and have been on Praise Teams for just as long. As a result, I’ve seen both good and bad praise team leading and know how it should be done. Despite me knowing this, I often doubt that I can actually go and do what I can do. Well, I used to doubt it. This I guess grew into fear, causing me to stop myself from leading, out of fear of doing it badly.
The thing is, I’ve been capable of being a song leader for a good couple of years now. So much so that all the other praise team leaders that I’ve been around or even sung with, have been waiting for me to actually do it. In other words, it was time for me to step out of just being on the praise team and actually lead. But my overthinking self simply would not let me do it and I would shy away from every and any opportunity. This year though, that had to change.
So on Sabbath when I got to church, I prayed before meeting up with everyone and simply asked God to stop me from overthinking, relax me and bring out the confidence that I know I have. After that, I didn’t think about it at all. It’s like I didn’t even let myself think until after the service. And in doing so, I was able to lead well. I know this because I felt it. I was told by many people that they were blessed, I was also told that you wouldn’t even know it was my first time and you know when you can just hear the enjoyment? Yep. I did what I came there to do.
But if you had seen me the night before in rehearsal? Lol I woke up on more than just the right side of the bed. Friday evening, I literally had no confidence, but on Saturday morning? I had confidence and then some. First goal of 2020 ticked off and I couldn’t be more happier. I just proved to myself that I need to believe more in my abilities and that in itself is a goal for a reason.
So 2020? I’m coming for ya because this year WILL be my year.
I eat cake 