There’s probably way more, but remember these things.
1. Give yourself grace.
If I could shout this one, I would! Because we’re hard headed, and will have to be reminded because this one is an important one. You’re not perfect, won’t always get things right, and that’s ok. It’s important that you forgive yourself, learn from it and move on. Don’t move mad now! We still need to be guided but don’t expect yourself to always be perfect and to always get it right.
Oh and don’t set ridiculously high standards that you can’t even reach. This will create discouragement amongst other things and sister girl, we don’t need that! I even read the following recently about forgiving yourself, so please, shine your eye.
‘Self forgiveness is an act of compassion that frees you from guilt and shame. It begins with owning your mistakes, not to define you, but to help you grow. Acknowledge your humanity – no one is perfect and that’s ok!
The growth comes when you shift focus from the mistake to the lesson. Forgiving yourself isn’t about erasing the past. It’s about learning, evolving and showing yourself grace. Letting go of guilt is liberating. It opens the door to peace, joy, and self-acceptance. You can’t change the past but you can transform your future.’
START WITH GRACE!!’
2. Don’t try to do this life alone!
You don’t have the all the answers and you won’t have all the answers at any point in life, but that’s why you have your family and your community; people who can advise you on this crazy thing we call life. I know it will be hard, but try. Life feels a lot easier when you can share the load with someone else. And anything’s better than trying to figure it all out in your head, so lean on them and let them do for you what you can’t do for yourself.
This doesn’t mean you’re weak, and doesn’t make you less than. If anything it makes you smart because God placed them in your life for a reason, and the only way to find out what that is, is for you to open up and let them in. Being vulnerable will be scary but remember, there is so much strength in it.
Which leads me to the next point…
3. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable.
Half of life is about being vulnerable. That’s how you form relationships, deepen relationships and keep them. That’s how you express who you are and learn about others too. Being surface level can only get you so far and is no way to live. Don’t run from it, but embrace it. It’s your super power and can’t nobody tell your truth better than you. The right people will embrace you and not judge you and the very best people will help you grow.
Also don’t hide this is part of your story. Losing mum is a sad part, yes, but don’t be afraid of it. It’s part of you and made you who you are. Embrace it, feel the feelings, but don’t hide it. A great woman birthed you after all! Stand in that and own it. Acknowledge the pain, but don’t let it rule you. It won’t go completely, but you’ll learn to live with it and day by day it’ll get easier. If anything, it’s a reminder that you’re human, and a beautiful one at that.
‘Everything I’m going through is making me a better person’
4. Guard your heart, but don’t close it off.
We were made to love each other and you have so much love to give. Don’t be afraid to share that, and show it to all those you care about. Just like you will need, people you come across might just need to know that someone cares. We’re all going through a lot and it’s the little things that do a whole lot.
Still, be careful of who you love. You care a lot and may put others before yourself. Not everyone will handle you with care and may instead take you for granted. However, if and when that happens, pick yourself up and keep going. They just didn’t deserve you. Boundaries are important, so don’t forget them. But even if you do, learn from it and move differently next time.
Love hard, be happy and let others love you too.
5. Believe in yourself
You’re here for reason, so own the space your in. Ain’t nobody like you and there never will be, so wherever you go walk with confidence. Embrace the gifts you’ve been given and own your talents. God will place you in spaces you may not even feel qualified for, but if you’re there, best believe that you are. With Him and your confidence, you can do anything because nothing is impossible for God and he doesn’t make mistakes.
You might have to be your own cheerleader sometimes, maybe even delusional. Do what you need to do, but never sell yourself short. You have a voice, so use it and don’t be afraid to express yourself. There’ll always be someone ready and waiting to listen.
So Miss Ma’am! Don’t ever forget how great you are!
‘Attitude is everything’ so ‘Believe in yourself and all that you are’.
6. Stay close to God
It’s hurts like hell to think that someone who’s supposed to want the best for you, would do something that would hurt you the most. Hate him, be mad but don’t forget how much he loves you. You’ll never like everything he does, some things won’t even make sense, but remember he’s the all-seeing, all-knowing God who wants nothing but the best for you.
And if the connection does weaken, remember you can come back to him. There’s nothing you can do that he won’t know of already, and even then he’ll still want you to come home, so do. Find peace in him and in worship. And with the voice he’s given you to bless others with, may it bless you too.
Remember, it’s ok to let him know how you really feel. Yes God’s a God of order, but he wants us to talk to him and stay connected. So connect with him and accept his guidance.
And yes, vulnerability! You gotta do that with the man upstairs too.
Finally
It won’t be easy, not gonna lie to you. Life is gonna hurt so much! Some days you’ll even be hit with overwhelming sadness and be able to literally feel the pain in your heart. But they’ll be so many beautiful moments too. You’ll meet so many wonderful people, make great connections and even better memories. So enjoy it and try your best to be present!
Enjoy this life. It’s for living and mum would want you to do that too. You got this girl!
‘You is kind.
You is smart.
You is important.’
Or whatever was said in ‘The Help’.
I eat cake 